Being and Becoming

I am contemplating on the paradox of Being and Becoming.

I am ‘trying’ to set goals. I learned to set goals to make every year my best year ever. To visualize and plan what I want in my life. But I am getting stuck with it this time.

All I can wish for is to be happy in the emptiness. To have the courage to sit with God. To let go of my ego’s endless wants and needs.

Yet desire is the life force that drives evolution. So I learn to desire without attaching to the outcome, as the tantric path teaches us.

It’s interesting to witness: as soon as I put on an image of the woman I desire to become on my moodboard, my mind is running away with it saying I am not good enough as I am and I should be better and work harder. Shortly after that I am feeling depressed and worried and anxious. “I can never do all of this!”

It really is an art to find a balance between Being and Becoming. To embody the fulness of your desire and derive pleasure from just that. Without becoming a passive yogi meditating on a mountain, totally disconnected from the world. Nothing wrong with doing that, but I firmly feel my place is to be in this world. But how to be in this world, and not of this world? How to be in the fulness of this world, without being distracted by all it’s pitfalls that lead to suffering? It demands such clarity!

So often we create a goal from a place within us that doesn’t feel worthy as it is. Losing weight is a great example. We think we will be happy after we lose the weight but we never are, are we? Because ego’s desires are endless. Ego always needs more.

So we must contemplate on the authenticity of our desire. Does it come from fear or does it come from love? Do we want to lose weight because we fear people won’t accept us if we don’t, or do we want to lose weight because we genuinely love our bodies and want to take care of it? We need to question our desires constantly.

Who is it that is desiring? Is it my scared ego, or is it God as love that wants to thrive in me?

Better to come from a place of love. To be content with the body as it is. To fall madly in love with yourself as you are, because if you do, life can happen through you and you never have to worry about weight again.

What if we can ask God to take care of our health, instead of fighting and struggling with it ourselves? We have all these to do lists and we push ourselves to be perfect. But what if we could accept ourselves as we are and surrender to the life force that wants to move through us anyway? What if all our goals and pictures of a perfect life are actually keeping God at distance? What if our New Years Resolutions emphasize the illusion of control? What if everything we ever dreamed of and more would come true if we would just let go and surrender to God?

And when I say God, I mean LOVE. I mean God = life = love. God is what tells flowers when to grow, right? So if God is telling flowers when to grow and when to die, then maybe He will tell us to? Maybe we just need to learn to listen better. Maybe we need to stop making plans for ourselves and start listening to what really wants to happen.

I mean, could you have planned your life as it is now, 10 years ago? Could you have imagined all of this?

We are confused in thinking reaching our goals will bring happiness. But what if we decide to be happy first? How much easier life can flow if we stop grabbing her ass?

At the same time, I am a human being full of radical desire! And right now, I desire to create  a Temple of Love that can be my home and where I can give my Love Sessions.

So I guess the real question that remains is: How to be in the fulness of desire, without attaching to the outcome?

This is what the tantric path is teaching me. Some people think tantra is all about sex. And it can be. But actually, we can use sex as a mirror for life. Who you are in bed, is who you are in life. If we are able to stay fully present with our sexual desire, without attaching to the outcome of sexual fulfillment, than we can handle any desire in life.

As we fully embody our desire and expand in it (instead of contracting by worries and planning) our desire will manifest all by itself. Suddenly you find yourself going to the gym joyfully and suddenly you don’t need that chocolate chip cooky so much, just because allowed yourself to be filled with desire.

What is your radical desire this year? And how will you allow your life energy to manifest? Share it in the comment box below to make it more REAL and inspire others!