Sexual Healing

An amazing wild, wise woman wrote me this message in response to one of my blogs.

“I have also recently offered my body to a man in order to feel love. But he shut himself off and took me without any love. It happened 3 times and each time I damaged myself more. I thought I could heal him by making conscious love but he just kept closing himself off and just fucked me cold. I feel a bit ashamed that I almost forced myself upom him to make love to me and that it turned out to be such a disappointment for both of us. I feel strong and know I can deal with it. But it’s not a pretty story.”

Thank you sister, for making it so clear, because that’s what we as woman do. It is the biggest trauma of the feminine. Giving ourselves away in order to feel loved. Oh how often I have sacrificed myself like this!!!

But you know.. what if the biggest healing she could have given this man, was to withdraw from sexual intercourse and connect to the deep longing in her heart. Allowing all the sexual energy to be present, without judging his sexual power and without physically expressing it. What if she would have honored his penis, his lust, his pelvis and sexual drive with her feminine love, while teaching him to wait at the threshold. Testing him if he is capable of holding the tension. Challenging his mind and will power. Evoking more energy, so his desire can fill up his whole body! Deeply honoring his sexual power and not trying to get anything from him.

What if she would have connected to the true longing in the depth of her heart and would have fallen at his feet, crying her heart out because of the pain she feels just in the look upon his unconscious cock?

“I am at your feet… In sweet surrender…”

How would that be for an initiation into the sacred art of love making? Because surely the healing powers that awakened in her were pure and Divine!

Yes some men in some cases need penetration for healing. But most of the time, the healing is in honoring his masculinity by not physically having sex.

Because so often we as woman use our sexual seduction skills to take away men’s power to make the insecure girl feel needed and loved.  So often we use sex as a gateway to unity. But we unconsciously misuse it. Having sex actually demands advanced training in presence and clarity. Most men (and woman!) aren’t up for this. So in my healing sessions with men we sit, we share and we make love in spirit. I arouse them and seduce them with my presence and words, without giving them what they think they want.

We, as woman, are the initiators. We have the power to initiate men into the sacred wisdom of their heart, by sharing our bodies and feminine desires. We are connected to the divine source, through our bodies. We KNOW what they need, better than they know themselves. But we have to learn to tap into this wisdom again and stop trying to be a “good girl” that wants to please her daddy 😉

I’ve been there, and so often I still have sex for the “wrong” reasons and that’s okay too. But we can make it conscious. We can trace the sexual energy back to the source and ask ourselves: what was it really that got me aroused in the first place?

Often we are so happy we’re finally feeling arousal and we are so needy of it, that we don’t bother to ask ourselves this question. But if you do, you will find out that many times, you can trace back your sexual arousal to something completely different. Maybe you were feeling insecure and you have an unconscious pattern of offering sex in order to feel loved and appreciated (like I did so often!). If you allow yourself to feel the source of your arousal, having sex with all the “wrong” reasons can become a prayer, as my amazing teacher Marc Gafni puts it.

Share your feelings with your partner. Share what you really need. Because if you really need to be mothered and you’re just fucking because that’s all you know how to do with woman, then you will never find the healing loving experience each and every one of us so desperately needs. If you share your desire to be mothered, you can actually create a sexy mothering ritual out of it and it might just become the best sex you’ve ever had.

So start being real in your sexual encounters and make every love making session a prayer that allows you to express more of your “Unique Self” with the world.

Amen to that!